Details, Details

As someone with a sincere interest in the technical aspects of language, I am always eager to find esoteric rules of English grammar and usage that tend to be glossed over in grade-school classrooms. For instance, what's the difference between "further" and "farther"? If you've participated in a marathon, would you say you "have run" or "have ran"? Do you "lie down" when you're sleepy and "lay down" when you're super-duper sleepy? In my quest for knowledge, I was able to find answers to these questions and have decided to document them here for future reference.

1. "Farther" refers to additional physical distance, while "further" refers to additional time, amount, or other abstract extent or degree. Though some sources insist on using them interchangeably, you can be sure not to offend any sticklers by making the distinction.
   Examples:
   a.) Ann lives farther from Beth's house than Charlie does.
   b.) This statement couldn't be further from the truth.
   (Digression: The liar paradox is cool. Click here to share my fascination.)
   
   
2. One Saturday afternoon when I was about eight years old, my grandmother sent me down the street to my aunt's house to deliver some food. In a hurry to return home, I ran as fast as I could, not noticing our neighbor's highly energetic (read: psychotic) dog running around in the front yard. The dog must have taken my running past him as an invitation to chase me, because that is what he proceeded to do. Needless to say, I was scared out of my mind. All I wanted to do was drop off the food and get home, but instead I was running in circles in the middle of the road, trying not to be eaten alive by this rabid creature. Eventually, the neighbor saw what was happening and called out his dog's name, at which point the dog lost interest in chasing me and ran back to his owner. Once I regained my composure and a healthy heart rate, I proceeded to my aunt's house at a very slow, deliberate walking pace. For years after the incident, I was terrified of dogs but I've since managed to overcome my fear. I realize now that had I not run past the dog on that fateful day, I would never have been chased to begin with. Moral of the story: I once ran past a dog (scary), I have run on treadmills (tiring), I will run for president (sheer folly).
   
   
3. You lay something down (like a book, a child or the law), but you lie down when you yourself are going to bed. In the simple past tense, you laid down the law and then you were tired, so you lay down for a nap. In the perfect past tense, you had laid down the law and then you had been tired, so you had lain down for a nap. So in conclusion, just say "I was tired so I went to bed." It's simple, it's grammatically correct, and it doesn't make you sound like a pedantic jackass. Three for three.